Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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