Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Randomize
