I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize