Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize