i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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