i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
