What did we do last night that was yellow?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
