it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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