I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I don't think brook has ever known best
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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