"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
