the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
