oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
