so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
id be glad to
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
