soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
