My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
