if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Randomize