it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
