It's Friday. Sex?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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