Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
