Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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