I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
