ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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