I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
