So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
