How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
