Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
