Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Randomize
