So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
How external is "for external use only"?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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