My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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