Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
