im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize