I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
