shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Randomize
