I showed him my bush... on skype.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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