my phone needs a breathalizer
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
