I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
