Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
