he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
