But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I need to calm my uterus...
Randomize
