Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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