The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
