Welp...herpes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize