You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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