Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i came on her dog
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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