He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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