Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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