If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize