hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize