please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
