dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
