I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize