Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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