I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
