Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
