Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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