for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
