Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
