My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
