We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
