just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
