got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
