So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
