I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
