I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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