i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
