I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
