i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
