Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The feeling are messing with the penis
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
