That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
