the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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